Wanted: Democrats for Elected Office

Candidate for US Senate, 2020

  • Must be able to raise $15-20 million, in $2600 increments. Enough to counter out not only your opponent’s ads, but your opponent’s outside interest group ads, and possibly your own outside interest group ads since they rarely stay on message.
  • Must be able to not say anything stupid, elitist or offensive, ever.
  • Must be able to express complex policy decisions through inspirational-poster type sound bites.
  • Must be willing to have random billionaires spend millions of dollars calling you names just because they can.
  • Must be able to make Senator Ernst’s extremist views overshadow her chirpy folksiness, and do so without seeming sexist, elitist, or “too negative.”
  • Credible connections to voters in rural areas strongly preferred.
  • Military experience preferred.
  • Must be able to do all this on no sleep, while remaining positive, likable, and preferrably inspirational.

Candidate for US Senate, 2016

  • See above, but replace “Senator Ernst” with “Senator Grassley/Bill Northey/David Young/Steve King/Bill Dix/Kim Reynolds/TBA”

Candidate for Iowa Governor, 2018

  • With no Presidential or US Senate campaign to share the ballot, this candidate will be personally responsible for the entire Iowa Democratic Party’s electoral prospects . . . in a midterm election.
  • Candidate must have or be able to establish immediate statewide name recognition and credibility.
  • Candidate must be able to raise $10-12 million, preferrably closer to $15 million depending on primary.
  • Candidate must not only understand complex issues such as commercial property tax reform, economic development incentives, and quantitative education benchmarks, but also be able to explain them through inspirational-poster type sound bites.
  • Candidate must have full campaign apparatus up and running by September 2017 in order to maintain earned media and public attention in the likely prescence of a contentious airwave and headline-devouring Republican primary.
  • Candidate must be able to convince voters, particularly urban/infrequent voters, that meager job growth is no excuse for cuts to basic services and an administration full of vindicative cronies, and that these are issues they should be fired up about.
  • Yet candidate must also be able to define themselves on their own merits. “At least I’m not Branstad” candidates need not apply.
  • Candidate must realize they are running for Governor of Iowa and not Governor of Polk County.

Candidate for 3rd CD, 2016

  • In addition to an expensive general election against a well-connected incumbent, the possibility for an expensive primary involving multiple Polk County candidates means this candidate must be able to raise at least $5 million, in $2600 increments, without relying on the usual high dollar Democratic donors from central Iowa.

Candidate for 1st CD, 2016

  • Must  be capable of raising $3-5 million, depending on primary.
  • High name recognition in the Cedar Rapids area strongly preferred.

Candidate for Iowa Secretary of State, 2018

  • Must be able to raise $400,000 -$500,000.
  • Must be able to not only convince voters that voter ID is the least effective and most expensive way to protect votes, but also offer an effective yet flashy and simple alternative.

Candidate for Attorney General, 2018

  • Available only if 70-year old incumbent retires.
  • Given the high likelihood of an expensive and bitter primary and an expensive and bitter general election, candidate should have or be able to create instant statewide name recognition, and raise in excess of $1 million.

William Rock